Process. Period. Change.
These words have become my life in the last few months.
As I sit here, Oceans by Hillsong is playing on my Pandora and I wonder why am I writing this? This blog post has been on my heart for a month or so and I'm finally getting around to writing it. Why now? Why not earlier? Maybe it's because I'm moving houses (yet again) tomorrow. Maybe it's because I start a new job Monday. Maybe it's because I'm finally being obedient.
I haven't posted anything on here in a while. So let me first begin by giving y'all an update. I left Senegal on May 27th and flew to South Africa for a few days to prepare to come home. On the 30th we left South Africa. I landed in the States on the 31st to be met in New York (where I had an oh-so-dreaded 8 hour layover) by my boyfriend, Zach. Once I finally made it back to good ol Elgin, I took a couple of weeks to just spend time with my family. Then, I went back to work. Pretty normal stuff. "Transition?" you say, "where is the transition in that?". Well, fast forward to July, the weekend of the 4th to be precise. Zach's family was having a reunion in New Mexico and he invited me to go. We had lots of fun with his family, zip lined in the mountains, did some hiking, and GOT ENGAGED. Zach completely surprised me when he proposed on top of the tallest peak in New Mexico. Since then, my life has become a whirl wind.
I had a perfect plan for when I came back to the States. I was going to have an easy summer working and spending time with the people I love. I was going to live in a house with my best friends in the fall. I was going to have my dream job. I was going to marry Zach at some point. And while some of these came to fruition, others did not. This summer has probably been one of the busiest times of my life. Plans to live with my best friends fell through unexpectedly.
Let's talk about that one. Plans to live with my best friends fell through unexpectedly. Because that's where this post was birthed. 4 of my closest friends all share a house here in College Station. Knowing that I am marrying Zach in January, I needed a place to live until then. So my friends and I concocted a perfect plan. I would live with them for my last season of singleness and share the master with one of them. It was awesome. I was so excited for the extra time I would get with them before life changed. About a month before I would move in, we found out that I couldn't live with them...something about city codes and laws and too many people. I'm not sure why, but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I got overly stressed and honestly freaked out. Imagine this: Zach and I were driving in his truck to go to a park and feed the ducks (precious) when I start crying and having a girl meltdown about how 'EVERYTHING IS CHANGING AND NOTHING IS THE SAME'. Dramatic, I know. Zach let me cry for a little bit and attempted to comfort me (but let's be real. When you're a girl and you're having a meltdown, nothing helps. You just have to freak out for a bit). Finally, he turned to me and said "okay, I want you to list everything in your life that is constant". My response? "NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...okay, God. God is constant". Can I be real right here? Zach's question annoyed me at first. In the midst of my freak out, I allowed my emotions to win and without realizing it, he called me on my crap. And nobody likes to be called out. Almost a month later, I still think about that conversation and the wisdom Zach unknowingly showed frequently. Yes, my life is changing. Yes, my life is 100% different from even a year ago. But, it's in the times of change that God grows us and we learn to rely on Him even more.
Change is a funny thing to me. Well, I guess really our reactions to such things is what is baffling. The changes going on in my life are good. I'm beginning my life as an adult. I get to become Mrs. Zachary Ginnings soon. I get to start my dream job in just a couple of days. But those things are not enough to satisfy and sustain me.
You see, I was finding my comfort in things that I thought would be constant. Relationships. Jobs. Living situations. My last name. And each time one of those fell through or faced change (be it good or bad), I would ask myself WHAT NOW? Now what can I look to? What can I depend on? But hear me, friends, there is nothing constant. Nothing we can depend on. Nothing we can look to. Nothing but Christ. He is the only thing in this world that will never change (Malachi 3:6). He is our strength, our hope, our constant. And when we look to other things, we fail. Praise God that His mercies are new everyday.
What are you looking to? Who are you depending on? Where does your trust lie? Is it in Christ? Or is it in other things? Trust me...you want your dependency to be in Christ alone.
Here's one of Zach's and my engagement photos, just for fun. Meet the man of my dreams, everyone :)
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