Grace

I am preparing to go on a 4 and a half month long mission trip. Man, that sounds crazy! 140 days in an unknown environment focusing solely on Jesus and telling others about Him. For now, that's what this blog is about -- the trials, the growth, the joys, the heartaches, and all other things that missions entail.

One of the biggest things I've struggled with during this season of preparation is feeling inadequate, like why on earth would God choose me? Without a doubt there are others who are more prepared, who know the language, anything that would make them a better candidate. To be quite honest, God and I have gone back and forth on this one quite a bit...am I ready? will I be effective? did He really mean to send ME? Recently, as I was praying, I began to journal about this exact thing. Here's an excerpt from what I wrote that day:

"God I can't do this...it can't be me. I'm not qualified. I'm not prepared...I'm also an idiot, because none of this is about me...Help me to remember that today".

How many times have you felt this way? As if God must think you're way more competent than you are because there's no way He really meant to call you to that specific thing? I can honestly say that pretty much anytime God calls me to something, I don't feel prepared. And by pretty much anytime, I mean every time. But here's what I'm realizing. We aren't prepared. We aren't qualified. We probably aren't the best choice. And do you know why? Because when we aren't qualified, God gets the glory instead of us. Our job is simply to be God-centered and to joyfully follow the call, because we were made to bring Him glory (Isaiah 43:7).

 One of my favorite quotes, from a fabulous book called Kisses from Katie, says: ""remember, God will never give you more than you can handle". People repeat this frequently...It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if I believed it were true. But I don't. I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle. Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives". This is what I want for me and for you. I want for God to call us to much more than we could ever possibly handle because in that, we learn to rest and hope in Him.  God calls us to more than we could imagine not to scare us or push us over the edge, but because He is gracious and chooses to use us. Deuteronomy 30:4 says, "Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord you God will gather you and bring you back". That's what God does. He gathers us, brings us back to Him, and then uses us for His glory. And praise be to Him for that!

So as I prepare for the upcoming season, I realize that I'm not qualified and I can never be fully prepared. But God is sovereign, and I can depend on Him to provide. How incredible that He receives praise and glory even when He uses broken sinners like me and you!

Because He qualifies us by grace.