When Happy Smiles Meet Sad Tears

I am a walking paradox. Situations in my life are constantly senseless, or seem opposite of one another. But never in my life have I felt more contradictory or torn than I do now. As I sit at the airport gate waiting for the first of many flights, I can't help but smile...and shed a couple of tears.

I cry because I know that I will miss my loved ones. I cry because the unknown is scary. I cry because 5,141 miles is a real long way.

...BUT...

I smile because I have complete peace at what God is doing in my life. I smile because I know that what I am about to get to be a part of is something much greater than me or anything I could fathom. I smile because I know that God is always faithful. I smile because I am excited for the growth that is going to occur during this time and expectant of what God will do. I smile because I'm learning to trust God without borders.

Explaining emotions is hard, and summing up how one feels can be even more difficult. But when I try, all I can think of is the song Oceans by Hillsong. The lyrics go, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, so my faith would be made stronger, in the arms of my dear Savior". That's where I'm at. Even though there may be tears along the way, I smile because I know that I serve an almighty Lord who is worth trusting. Because 2 Timothy says "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for he cannot disown Himself". Check out this song and know that you can set your hope in Him.

Please pray for me throughout this journey. Saying "see you later" can be hard and leaving home can be scary. Please pray the God would give me strength and comfort throughout this time. Please pray for safe travels. And please pray for comfort for my family while I am gone.